Confessions of a Missionary

I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I feel like I'm casting aside my family to go on this internship this summer. I feel like while everyone is in the midst of fear and sorrow, I am full of joy to be going to the Dominican Republic. I too am upset about the state my grandfather is in. I want to be here to love him, hug him, support him, and do all those things for the rest of my family. Should I feel bad about leaving them? The thought has crossed my mind to just say 'forget it, I'll go next summer.' I've thought, what if this is God telling me not to go? But then, why would He provide all the funds in the perfect timing that He has if He didn't want me to use them? I want to go. I want to serve God in the Dominican Republic. But it is hard for me to imagine doing all that while people are suffering.
And then it hit me: people will always suffer. Someone in my family will always be hurting. Maybe not as severe as this, but there will always be sadness to leave behind. And that is the reason I am going. There are people all over the world dying who don't know Christ. There are people suffering in vain because what they stood for, in the end, couldn't stand for them. I am on a mission to reach these people. Death is exactly why I am commanded to go. I am commanded to reach these people and make them into disciples of Christ.
It's still unsettling at times to think that I'm leaving everyone when I am. It's sad. But I have a purpose and when we start to get lukewarm, God will use dire circumstances to give us that fire again. I'm saddened by the condition of my grandfather. But I'm encouraged because I feel renewed in my purpose to defeat death through Jesus.

"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
Revelation 21:4

Leadership Lesson From Nehemiah #1: Have a Goal.

I want to be a good leader. I want to be an example to others, portray Christ, and build up the people I work with. We are first and foremost called to love others. That's it. Why is it so difficult to do? Christ gave us one goal. One. Everything flows from love, whether it's a good or bad thing. Good things flow from out love for Christ and others. Bad things tend to happen because we are loving ourselves more than Christ and others.

This is something I really struggle with. I'm a blunt person. Even if I mean something with love, it doesn't show. And that is a problem. When working on a team and being a leader of that team it is my job to get things done, but do so in an encouraging way. Christ didn't lead by beating his disciples with fishing nets. He lead with his lifestyle and how He interacted with others. Christ genuinely loved others. That was His goal.

Leading is done by serving. You cannot lead until you learn to follow. You also cannot forget how to follow once you start leading. It's very easy to get prideful and decide that you know how to lead better than anyone else. Even if you are a leader, or in charge of something, it's important to remember that you are still a follower. A follower of Christ.

Love is the goal. We need to love Christ, others, and then ourselves. When leading a team of any kind whether it's sports, worship, small group, or in a job; leadership is done by example and encouragement. Learn to love those you work with and the rest will follow. Love, not just because you're commanded, but because Christ loves you. What right do you have to not love others?


I suppose leadership at one time meant muscles; but today it means getting along with people.
-Gandhi

But among you it will be different. Whoever wants to be a leader among you must be your servant
-Matthew 20:26


Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God
-1 John 4:7