My Worship.

Well, now that I'm done with the God, You Are challenge I made for myself, what on earth could I blog about? Is there anything worth so much to me that I'd want to share my thoughts with the world? OH YEAH! Worship! So, here's the story of me and my worship experience.

I started play guitar when I was 15. Three months later, I was singing and playing on my own. A few more months after that, I was leading worship for the youth group at the church we were currently attending. Needless to say, I learned fast, I was good, and I knew it.
Now, this is where it all goes downhill. Between learning guitar and getting that ego boost, getting a job and having my own money, and getting a MySpace to tell the world how cool I was... I started to really fall away from God. I was depending on myself and creating bad habits that I never would have thought I'd do. I had stopped caring for my family, I had made new (no so great) friends, I stopped skating, school became less important... it goes on and on.
I loved life. I thought that I had been a naive little child before, and now I was growing up. I could handle life on my own. Too bad that's not true. God decided to put me in my place.
A couple months after I started doing worship for the youth group, my family decided to leave the church. There were some bad things going on and it made a lot of sense. BUT... I was not ok with this. This meant leaving friends, facing change, and worse yet: leaving my place in the spot light as a worship leader.
We church hopped, stayed at a few for a little, I occasionally lead the awkward worship service in the youth groups. No one knew who I was. It was just like, ok, we have our own worship leader. What's this little girl doing up there leading me? It was awkward.
Then the unthinkable happened. We ended back up at our old church, to give it another try since we couldn't fit anywhere else. They asked me to lead for the youth group again since they didn't have anyone, and I was on cloud 9. It was like I was back in MY place. On stage. Cuing the drummer. Smiling at everyone. It was great. I loved the rush, I loved the attention, and I loved the applause. Life was good again.
Well, obviously, that didn't work out so hot. We left, and I was back to square one. To make a long story short we ended up, after hopping around a bit more, at the church we're at currently. I love this church. I love the people. I love the youth group I help in and lead for. I love everything about it. And the fact that I get to lead others in worshipping God is amazing. But when we first started going, I hated it. People weren't talking to us, we weren't connecting, I wasn't leading worship... I just was not happy. I started leading every once in a while, and then every week. And it's sad because my heart wasn't in the right place. I loved the people and the music much much more than I loved worshipping God.
Don't get me wrong, I LOVE the kids. And I'm the BIGGEST music nerd ever. But those are nothing if I don't have a strong love for God. When I lead in worship, I am to worship God in my heart. And I realized that I didn't truly love God. I loved worship. There's a difference.
Pride is a hard issue to overcome. It's hard to have someone tell you that you're great, and not have it go to your head. It also only takes one person telling you that you suck before you want to leave it all behind.
There's a balance that is extremely hard to find, and I'm still working on it. I'll continue to work on it until I die. And that balance is being able to lead others and direct them, but still deal with your own issues and personal stuff. I feel hypocritical a lot when I lead. I feel like I shouldn't be bringing others into God's presence if I messed up the week before. This can't be true, because then I wouldn't ever be able to lead. No one can not sin for an entire week. We are human. It's something to think about and wrestle with.
So the past four-ish years have been difficult for both me and the people around me. For me, because they were hurtful. I didn't understand why God would do this because I had been 'serving' Him faithfully as a worship leader. For the people around me, because they had to deal with nasty egotistical Ashley. I have no doubt in my mind that God wants me to be a worship leader. That I am sure of. However, I am growing and I am learning how to not take His plan for granted and use it for my own gain. Everything I do is for His glory. Everything I want should be for God. Worship is love. But we have to make sure we love what we're worshipping. Do you love God, or do you just love worship?

God, You are... Zealous.

 Zealous: "ardently active, devoted,or diligent."


God is active in the world and always has been. He is devoted to His creation including us. He is diligent in making everything work for His glory. The Bible tells us to be like Christ, which means e like God. Because they are the same. Using this word, I am supposed to have zeal in everything that I do. Apathy is not the answer.

God, You are... Yearning.

Yearning: deep longing, especially when accompanied by tenderness or sadness.


God yearns for our hearts and longs to have them completely for Himself. He longs with a sadness because His children forsake Him. But at the same time, He will not relent until He has us. There's a great song that's been stuck in my head for the past few days. It's called You Won't Relent. The words are powerful, and very convicting. God longs to have us and nothing will stop His love from getting us.


You Won't Relent<

God, You are... X.

What looks like our "X" actually means "Christ" in Greek. God is Christ, Christ is God, they both are the Holy Spirit, and the Holy Spirit is both of them. There really aren't any words that begin with X besides ones that deal with disease and the color yellow. Odd, huh? So that's why I had to get creative. But anyways, that's the trinity. It's hard to understand because we can't think like that as humans. But when I'm in heaven, it'll suddenly click. And I can't wait to finally understand.

God, You are... Worthy.

Worthy of our worship.
Worthy of our love.
Worthy of our lives.
Worthy of sacrifice.
Worthy of my trust.
Worthy of my adoration.
Worthy of my problems.
Worthy of my soul.
Worthy of my regrets.
Worthy of my praises.
Worthy of creation.
Worthy of my relationships.
Worthy of my longings.
Worthy of my dreams.
Worthy of my heart.
Worthy of me.

God, You are... Vital.

Dictionary.com: "necessary to the existence, continuance, or well-being of something; indispensable; essential"


God is necessary, He is indispensable, and He is essential. Without him there would be no order. Come to think of it, without Him there would be nothing. God is more essential than air, water, blood, coffee, you name it. The essence of God flows through everything. Creation screams His name. If you can't hear it, listen harder. The vitality of God is shown in the way the wind blows, a tree blossoms, a child laughs. There wouldn't be this beautiful life without Him. 


Challenge: Thank God today for Him being in your life and giving you that life. Praise Him because He is essential.

God, You are... Universal.

God is for everyone. There's no one that He didn't send His Son to die for. The Bible says that Jesus died for all. I don't know what you believe, like maybe you think that He only died for the good people. But I say no, that's not true. God is for everyone, no matter what race, class, creed, gender... everyone. Every person of every nation has been bought with the blood of Jesus, they just have to accept Him. And that's all I have to say really.

God, You are... Truth.

I couldn't quite define truth on my own and in words that someone besides myself would understand, so I used my friend dictionary.com. Here's what he has to say:

1.

the true or actual state of a matter.

2.

conformity with fact or reality; verity.

3.

a verified or indisputable fact, proposition, principle, or the like.

4.

the state or character of being true.

5.

actuality or actual existence.

6.

an obvious or accepted fact; truism; platitude.

7.

honesty; integrity; truthfulness.

So, as you can see, truth is indeed a noun. And I like that because God Himself is truth. He is a reality, He is there. I love this about Him because well one, I can believe in Him. And two, it gives me a standard to which I base everything that I believe to be true. I have my view points on abortion, gay marriage, the death penalty, tattoos, etc (I will not develop my stance in these subjects in this post, I'm Just stating a few examples). And my opinions all stem from who God is and what He says about truth. God is truth.John 14:6- Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.

God, You are... Stronger.

God, You are stronger than anything I'll ever face. You are stronger than my doubts, my fears, my failures, my will, and my being. You are strong enough to pick me up when I'm down, and push me down when I try to leave you. You are strong enough to pull me away and save me from all my temptations. You are strong enough to give me the faith I need. God, there is nothing that You can't do. You can move the mountains that You made. You can break anything you created. You can create anything out of nothing. You are a mighty God, and I will lean on You and trust You to carry me through my life.

God, You are... Radical.

According to dictionary.com, 'radical' has two definitions.
1. forming a basis or foundation
2. extreme
When this word came to my head, the definition I thought of was the latter. I thought of God as being this extreme, amazing, all powerful being, which He is. But now that I researched it and found something else, I change my mind. Let's talk a bit about the first one. God should be our foundation. We should be building every aspect of our lives on Him. Everything we do and want should both start and end with God and what He has done for us. While He might be extreme and amazing and all that good stuff, He should also be the basis on which we build our life. So God is radical, God is a radical. God should be our radical.