Recently I have come to and earth-shattering conclusion. Everyone is trying to fit a label whether it is a clothing label, sports, lifestyle, or even the label of being unlabelable. Those who say that they aren't not trying to fit a label fit that of a non-conformist. We might mot always notice the fact that we are trying to live up to this stereotype, but we are. Like those kids that wake up five minutes before class on purpose and rush to learn about whatever are trying to fit in as a typical college kid. It's a sad truth, really. The fact that we as humans feel this intense need to measure up to the expectations of society. And if we do not measure up to them then we are classified as freaks, weirdos, losers, and any other title placed on those who don't fit in. Society is made up of a bunch of outcasts who cluster into groups of others just like them so they don't feel left out. Everyone is a loser. I am a loser, you're a loser, everybody is. It's just a matter of finding the other losers that are like ourselves to make it seem like we are not bound by this unwritten law.
Have you ever averted someones smile when you come together in the hallway? (Say yes.) Why is that? Why do we feel like we can't connect with anyone? What is it about face to face communication and portrayal of emotion that makes us feel so uneasy? Why is it easier to tell someone the way you really feel on facebook or myspace or even texting, but when you try to say it out loud it feels so intimidating? Like you'll literally drop dead if you speak your mind? What has society taught us through the media that gives us these feelings of discomfort and hesitation when dealing with people? I have no answers. I too am under this spell, but I'm trying to break free. When I pass someone in the hall I smile. If they don't smile back, hey, it's their loss. They didn't see my beautiful smiling face. If I need to talk to someone about an immediate matter I call them. If you know me, you know I hate talking on the phone for multiple reasons. It's just so inconvenient. But, since I am trying to get rid of this unattachable emotion that society has placed on me, I am making an actual effort to hear someone's voice instead of read their words for a change. When someone cuts me off, I don't throw my hands up in exasperation, but I smile and show them that out of the rest of my day, you cutting me off doesn't compare to the rest of the crap I go through.
So that was what was going through my head throughout today. I have no idea how I somehow made labeling and detattchment fit together, but who cares(: It works, right? If I got you thinking then my job here is done. Peace.
Thursday, February 25, 2010
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Disappointment
I don't belong here. Seriously. I was made for a completely different place. I have dark skin, love hot weather, and love the beach. How the heck am I stuck in Iowa?? The answer is simple, yet hard to face: God wants me here. There is no reason that I had to choose to stay here. But, I did, because I know that God wanted me to. You see, I was supposed to go to California for a few days during break to visit my dad. Things fell through there and I got frustrated, not because I couldn't see my dad, but because I wouldn't get to see the ocean. And that made me more upset. God obviously wants me here for some reason, although I cannot figure out for the life of me what it actually is. And honestly, that's not my job down here. My job is to just do it as he tells me and follow his will as it comes. Most of the time, this is very disappointing. I want to go away for school, but that is not His will. I want to live in a nice warm place instead of this cold, blizzard ladden state. I want to have leadership but no work to do. Did you notice the beginning of those statements? I WANT... which is soooo wrong. The only thing we should be worried about is what GOD WANTS. I need to focus more on what God wants for me. This will be very difficult.
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
3 Things on My Mind Right Now
SNOW DAY!!
Usually these would be words of pure joy and thankfulness, but not today. Pure boredom had taken over my innermost being. I have resorted to using my cell phone as a light saber on the cat... not a good idea. Yes, studying has gotten done, but you can only spend so many hours staring at a paper covered in music history notes or dispensationalism. So here I am, writing this, because I could care less who the main composers during the Baroque period were or what modifies an adjective or which of Abraham's sons was the godly one.... blah blah blah. Those are all very important, but not necessarily fun in this sort of context. So here is what is on my mind right now.
1. Sushi. It's tastey, healthy, and mostly importantly, it's cooked! Don't let anyone tell you that sushi is raw because it is not. Sashami is raw, as well as something else that starts with an "n". You can't tell me that rice, veggies, cream cheese, and seafood all wrapped up in a nice thin layer of seaweed doesn't sound appetizing, because it does. Oh you can? Well that's sad. You must not have ever tried it before. We need to go on a sushi date sometime so I can open your eyes to the true beauty of Japanese cuisine. Over the years, since I was first introduced to this delightful dish, I have found three favorite place to go for sushi. (1) Appare, (2) Waterfront, and (3) Taki. Appare is my favorite by far. They have a great lunch deal Monday through Friday, so that's the only time I get it because that's the only time I can afford it. Waterfront and Taki are good, but specialize more in their main dishes, which isn't bad. Good sushi, but most of the time not worth the price if you are very hungry.
2. Music. Give me a break, it's always on my mind whether I'm thinking about it or not. (I know that makes no sense... but it's true. Trust me.) For example, do you try to find out the BPM's of the clicking sound when you type on a keyboard? I do. I know, lame, but it's entertaining. What happens if I slow down you might ask? Well then it starts all over until I get to another steady pace. Also, I sing what I'm trying to memorize. Don't write me off as being crazy quite yet, because you know you have done it before. The quadratic formual, books of the Bible, tying your shoes... the list goes on. It's easier to memorize a song than a bunch of words with no rhythm or melody.
3. The cat. I can't help it! She's taking over my bed. Seriously... she will wake up and start meowing if I cross "the line" to her side. I can't help but think that maybe she thinks that this is her bed and not mine. Which, I wouldn't be surprised of that were true. She does use it more than me I guess. There have also been times where I will pet her but she doesn't move. She is getting a little old, so this scares me, which causes me to shake her a little and tick her off. Don't get me wrong, I love my cat, but I have an idea she is no longer just a pet, but has become my roommate. Scarey idea, I know.
Yeah, it's random, not very entertaining, and kind of silly, but these are the things that when all else fails, I think about. Yes there are other things, but these are the main categories. So keep in mind that when you might wish for a snow day, you might not really want one.
Usually these would be words of pure joy and thankfulness, but not today. Pure boredom had taken over my innermost being. I have resorted to using my cell phone as a light saber on the cat... not a good idea. Yes, studying has gotten done, but you can only spend so many hours staring at a paper covered in music history notes or dispensationalism. So here I am, writing this, because I could care less who the main composers during the Baroque period were or what modifies an adjective or which of Abraham's sons was the godly one.... blah blah blah. Those are all very important, but not necessarily fun in this sort of context. So here is what is on my mind right now.
1. Sushi. It's tastey, healthy, and mostly importantly, it's cooked! Don't let anyone tell you that sushi is raw because it is not. Sashami is raw, as well as something else that starts with an "n". You can't tell me that rice, veggies, cream cheese, and seafood all wrapped up in a nice thin layer of seaweed doesn't sound appetizing, because it does. Oh you can? Well that's sad. You must not have ever tried it before. We need to go on a sushi date sometime so I can open your eyes to the true beauty of Japanese cuisine. Over the years, since I was first introduced to this delightful dish, I have found three favorite place to go for sushi. (1) Appare, (2) Waterfront, and (3) Taki. Appare is my favorite by far. They have a great lunch deal Monday through Friday, so that's the only time I get it because that's the only time I can afford it. Waterfront and Taki are good, but specialize more in their main dishes, which isn't bad. Good sushi, but most of the time not worth the price if you are very hungry.
2. Music. Give me a break, it's always on my mind whether I'm thinking about it or not. (I know that makes no sense... but it's true. Trust me.) For example, do you try to find out the BPM's of the clicking sound when you type on a keyboard? I do. I know, lame, but it's entertaining. What happens if I slow down you might ask? Well then it starts all over until I get to another steady pace. Also, I sing what I'm trying to memorize. Don't write me off as being crazy quite yet, because you know you have done it before. The quadratic formual, books of the Bible, tying your shoes... the list goes on. It's easier to memorize a song than a bunch of words with no rhythm or melody.
3. The cat. I can't help it! She's taking over my bed. Seriously... she will wake up and start meowing if I cross "the line" to her side. I can't help but think that maybe she thinks that this is her bed and not mine. Which, I wouldn't be surprised of that were true. She does use it more than me I guess. There have also been times where I will pet her but she doesn't move. She is getting a little old, so this scares me, which causes me to shake her a little and tick her off. Don't get me wrong, I love my cat, but I have an idea she is no longer just a pet, but has become my roommate. Scarey idea, I know.
Yeah, it's random, not very entertaining, and kind of silly, but these are the things that when all else fails, I think about. Yes there are other things, but these are the main categories. So keep in mind that when you might wish for a snow day, you might not really want one.
Tuesday, December 8, 2009
On Friends, Love, and the Truth
There is nothing funny or amusing about being lied to. This is an obvious fact. In the past few days I have really learned what unconditional love between friends is like when faced with the issue of dishonesty. Paul commanded us to love each other, as Christ loved the church. The name for this love is agape. It is unconditional, sacrificial love. It means no matter what, you love the other person. They can use you, lie to you, completely humiliate you, and you still love them. You might not like them, or enjoy being around them for some time, but you are always there to sacrifice for them because you have that rare love for them. It's like that Relient K song... "You know I'll always love you, but right now I just don't like you." This is obviously a stretch when talking about agape love, but it really does say it all. That is the kind of love we are to have for friends. We need to realize that you can love, but dislike someone at the same time. And that is a hard fact to face. Many times all we want to say is basically, "Man, forget you. You can't be honest and open to me then I guess you were never really my friend to begin with." But that is so wrong. Even though you might feel hurt, slapped, betrayed, and just plain discouraged, you are commanded as a follower of Christ to love those same people with His kind of sacrificial love. And as my mom would say, that's why it says it in the Bible. Because it's hard to do.
So here are some steps for stirring up that agape love that you desire, but really don't want at the same time.
1. Admit that you don't love like that in the first place. Come on, you know that you would probably never give your life up for that one girl that stole your boyfriend and hit your dog with her car. Who would ever do that?? Answer... You! Because the Bible clearly says that you have to, so do it!
2. Identify why you haven't committed to loving people. Everyone has reasons for why they don't love people. Maybe you were hurt in the past, maybe you just don't trust people, or it could be that you don't love yourself to begin with. Whatever it is, don't just sit there and wallow in your sorrow. Fix it, and try to love.
3. Look at the life of Jesus to learn how to love. Obviously Jesus is the best role model. He loved us so much He gave His life for us. I'm not saying you need to go find a cross and crucify yourself to show that you really do love people, but the little things He did. Talking to the prostitute when no one else would, teaching the children, encouraging His followers, just things He did that were out of His way but showed His love for people.
4. Believe that you can love like that. It's no secret that sometimes as humans we have trouble believing in ourselves. And those who are lost and away from God really have no reason to believe in themselves because they have no hope for a better day. If Christ is in your heart, you can love just as He loves you. No doubt about it.
5. Just do it! Get off your high horse and be like the rest of us. You are not better, nor worse than anyone. All that pride you have in your heart is what is keeping you from loving. Just let it go, and learn to love. Nike said it all when they came out with that slogan, because that's all you really need to do. This is the only time where this phrase actually applies: Don't think, just act. You've made the decision that you want it, you know you need it, so just do it.
These steps might not be the best and I'm sure anyone with a PH. D. could come in here and tear up everything that I have written and give you some completely different steps to get you to the same place, but this is how I learned. It's not very deep, but it doesn't have to be. Everyone always talks about changing the world, well, this is how we can do it. Just love the people around you and it may just start a chain reaction. That's all I really have to say. My trust and love for a friend has really been tried over the past couple days, but it really did show me how I need that unconditional love for everyone. It's life changing, and I hope you can experience this liberating feeling that I have experienced as of late. Thank you for reading, I really hope you got something out of it, or were at least entertained by my mediocre theology.
Ashley
"This is my command: Love each other."
~John 15:17
So here are some steps for stirring up that agape love that you desire, but really don't want at the same time.
1. Admit that you don't love like that in the first place. Come on, you know that you would probably never give your life up for that one girl that stole your boyfriend and hit your dog with her car. Who would ever do that?? Answer... You! Because the Bible clearly says that you have to, so do it!
2. Identify why you haven't committed to loving people. Everyone has reasons for why they don't love people. Maybe you were hurt in the past, maybe you just don't trust people, or it could be that you don't love yourself to begin with. Whatever it is, don't just sit there and wallow in your sorrow. Fix it, and try to love.
3. Look at the life of Jesus to learn how to love. Obviously Jesus is the best role model. He loved us so much He gave His life for us. I'm not saying you need to go find a cross and crucify yourself to show that you really do love people, but the little things He did. Talking to the prostitute when no one else would, teaching the children, encouraging His followers, just things He did that were out of His way but showed His love for people.
4. Believe that you can love like that. It's no secret that sometimes as humans we have trouble believing in ourselves. And those who are lost and away from God really have no reason to believe in themselves because they have no hope for a better day. If Christ is in your heart, you can love just as He loves you. No doubt about it.
5. Just do it! Get off your high horse and be like the rest of us. You are not better, nor worse than anyone. All that pride you have in your heart is what is keeping you from loving. Just let it go, and learn to love. Nike said it all when they came out with that slogan, because that's all you really need to do. This is the only time where this phrase actually applies: Don't think, just act. You've made the decision that you want it, you know you need it, so just do it.
These steps might not be the best and I'm sure anyone with a PH. D. could come in here and tear up everything that I have written and give you some completely different steps to get you to the same place, but this is how I learned. It's not very deep, but it doesn't have to be. Everyone always talks about changing the world, well, this is how we can do it. Just love the people around you and it may just start a chain reaction. That's all I really have to say. My trust and love for a friend has really been tried over the past couple days, but it really did show me how I need that unconditional love for everyone. It's life changing, and I hope you can experience this liberating feeling that I have experienced as of late. Thank you for reading, I really hope you got something out of it, or were at least entertained by my mediocre theology.
Ashley
"This is my command: Love each other."
~John 15:17
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