I feel guilty. I feel ashamed. I feel like I'm casting aside my family to go on this internship this summer. I feel like while everyone is in the midst of fear and sorrow, I am full of joy to be going to the Dominican Republic. I too am upset about the state my grandfather is in. I want to be here to love him, hug him, support him, and do all those things for the rest of my family. Should I feel bad about leaving them? The thought has crossed my mind to just say 'forget it, I'll go next summer.' I've thought, what if this is God telling me not to go? But then, why would He provide all the funds in the perfect timing that He has if He didn't want me to use them? I want to go. I want to serve God in the Dominican Republic. But it is hard for me to imagine doing all that while people are suffering.
And then it hit me: people will always suffer. Someone in my family will always be hurting. Maybe not as severe as this, but there will always be sadness to leave behind. And that is the reason I am going. There are people all over the world dying who don't know Christ. There are people suffering in vain because what they stood for, in the end, couldn't stand for them. I am on a mission to reach these people. Death is exactly why I am commanded to go. I am commanded to reach these people and make them into disciples of Christ.
It's still unsettling at times to think that I'm leaving everyone when I am. It's sad. But I have a purpose and when we start to get lukewarm, God will use dire circumstances to give us that fire again. I'm saddened by the condition of my grandfather. But I'm encouraged because I feel renewed in my purpose to defeat death through Jesus.
"And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes; there shall be no more death, nor sorrow, nor crying. There shall be no more pain, for the former things have passed away."
Revelation 21:4
