ReachOut

What does that even mean?
Why is she writing on the most cliche topic ever?
Does she know she didn't put a space between "reach" and "out?"
What am I reaching for?
We talked about reaching in yoga the other night...
Is this another one of her "Jesus blogs?"

The list of questions as to why I'm writing this goes on and on. Some might know, some might not, and some probably just don't care. I respect that. It is pretty cliche to talk about reaching out to people that are hurting, people facing tough times, and those that are just not living the greatest lifestyle. But what about reaching out to people around you? Those people that look like they're legitimately alright? What about your friends? Your family? Do you ReachOut to them? The answer is, most likely, a big fat NO. Although this post won't be based on faith explicitly, the applications are for everyone no matter what race, gender, creed, or religion. Everyone should ReachOut.

The reason I mash those two words together on purpose is because they belong together. You cannot reach unless you reach out. You can reach up, down, to the side, etc. But you are always reaching away from yourself. It's an action, a verb. It's a lifestyle. It's something you do to support what you believe in. It is an act of dependence; like when a child reaches for the hand of his father. It is an act of submission; as when a woman reaches for her husbands hand in marriage. It is an act of love; like when two people reach for each other for acceptance and encouragement. Everyone should ReachOut. Everyone needs to ReachOut.

You're probably saying by now, ok, Ashley, enough with the sappy stuff. What do you want me to do?
What's your point?

And all I would say is: ReachOut.

I spend a lot of time in my car. I drive about thirty minutes to and from school each day. I pass a lot of people who are either in their cars, like me, walking, riding a bicycle, or standing at a bus stop. It is during the times that I'm in my car that I see people for who they are. People don't know that I'm watching them. They don't know that someone saw them let their guard down for a split second. They don't know that I saw a smile flicker across their face as they picked up the phone to answer it. None of them know that they are as easy to read as they truly are. People are transparent. I'm serious. It might seem like some people have it all together, but catch them in their car when they think that they're all alone. You can tell the exact amount of stress they are suffering from. The amount of pain and hurt of the past is all over their faces. It's a sad thing to see. But, on my morning and afternoon commutes, I often wonder how I can reach these people. How I can ReachOut.

So. How can you ReachOut?
It could be something as simple as smiling when you pass someone in the hallway or on your way into the store. You might decide that you could ReachOut by letting that angry driver on the interstate pass you, even though they were already going twenty over the speed limit. It could be something as passive as putting a motivational or inspirational bumper sticker on you car. You could even go to the extreme and try to change the world. Maybe reaching out according to you is standing on the street corner offering Free Hugs. When you get coffee, you might want to pay for the person behind you in the drive-thru. However you want to ReachOut, that's how you ReachOut. Big, small, it doesn't matter.

Some might interpret this as a post on random acts of kindness. But I don't like that term. Random acts of kindness doesn't imply that it leaves an impression on people. It doesn't imply that you went out of your way and sacrificed something to ReachOut to someone.

Now, reaching out doesn't stop with strangers. I mentioned that before. I think it's easier to ReachOut to strangers because they won't ever see you or expect anything from you again. You made an impact in their lives, and now you're gone. But, what about friends and family? This section of the post is for the more daring. It's for the ones that like a challenge that could change their lives.

My little brother is the most annoying kid ever, at least to me. Everyone else seems to like him for some reason. It's crazy. But recently, I have decided that I can fix this little problem. I am an adult. I should be able to figure these things out, right? Well, easier said than done, that's for sure. On mission to ReachOut to my brother I encountered many many obstacles, mainly because, in order to keep up my reputation I had to keep reaching out. It was ongoing and never ending. It was frustrating and aggravating, but I learned so much!

Reaching out isn't just about smiling to people and doing nice things, it's a lifestyle. It's how you treat humanity in general. It's pure craziness, but it's so awesome. ReachOut. You won't regret it.

Too Many Topics To Put A Title.

Lately I have really been struggling with the feelings of inadequacy and mediocrity. I have it set in my head that no matter how hard I try, I can never be good enough at anything I do. This is to some extend good, because I will always be trying and trying and never giving up. But, on the other hand, I get so bent out of shape when I feel threatened that something will be taken from me. I am a worship leader, or I try to be. I feel that is God's calling for my life. But I get so intimidated at the littlest things. If someone comes to youth group and I find out that they play guitar or sing, I immediately question my ability. I know God gave me a talent and passion for music, but I am so scared of the judgment of others, but only in this area of my life. It's almost as if even though I don't really know them, I am jealous of how they play even though I haven't even heard them. I'm sick of it. I know I am inadequate in my sinful nature and since I have fallen short of the glory of God. But, it is becoming an obstacle. I don't know how to change.

Also, you know how you think God wants you to do something, and you decide to do it, and then it completely doesn't happen? That's something else that has happened. And it's the final straw that really makes me question what God is wanting for my life. I have tried to do so many things and all of them fall through.
Am I really supposed to be a worship leader?
Why did God give me passion for this if I'm not going to do anything with it?
Did He really want me to go to Faith?
Am I supposed to be a missionary?
which ultimately leads me to....
God, do You really even exist?
Obviously the answer to all of these is yes. But Satan has gotten inside my head and completely messed everything up. No longer am I a child of God seeking His will for my life. Now I am a human being trying to make the best out of the little I have. Those are the thoughts being crammed into my head and almost literally driving me crazy. Some days I just want to rock star smash all of my guitars and shred up all my music. Because after all, I don't believe God wants me to use either one of those things for Him. I just don't know what to do. I'm in a bad place right now, and it's sad. God has changed all my plans, probably so I can focus on Him and getting right with Him. I have been trying to teach others to worship but I myself have not been seeking the face of God and really trying to worship Him myself.

And here's another thing that has been 'haunting' me for a while. Until just a few weeks ago, I convinced that God didn't have anyone for me. I was completely against the idea of marriage. I thought, every man I have ever met has disappointed me at one point and I don't think I can deal with that for the rest of my life. But that has changed. I actually WANT a husband at some point. And I KNOW that God has someone for me. It's like, I haven't ever been chosen. I'm just put into peoples' lives and while I know they love me, they didn't necessarily choose me. My parents didn't choose me, my friends didn't really choose me... but I want to be chosen. I know God has a guy out there that will choose me for me and choose me out of EVERY other girl in the world to spend his life with. I know it won't happen soon, but the thought of making that sort of commitment and putting that much trust into a person freaks me out. I don't trust people. At all. But I know that if I do pursue this kind of relationship I'll have to trust. It scares me.

So, yeah.

There's my life.

Memorial Day

Memorial Day=Work.
Work=Money.
Money=Economy.
Economy=Government.
Government=Wars.
Wars=Memorial Day.

All this means to me is that more people see movies and spend money on Memorial Day, so I get more hours therefore getting more money.
All money does is fuel the economy and government so they can make more wars and get more weapons.
Then after all that is done we can celebrate the lives of the dead on a holiday that barely anyone truely celebrates anymore.

Our country is pathetic.

Cof-fayy

Ok, so...
I recently started drinking coffee, and I have become addicted. I remember when I never used to crave the bittersweet taste of the rich dark liquid that I now long for every waking moment. There was a time that just the thought of actually finishing a tall Frappuccino from Starbucks was not appealing at all. I used to hate the stuff, now I just can't get enough. It has not become a scenario of dependancy, that is to say that I am able to function all day and I am fully awake 20 minutes after my alarm goes off. No, I am not addicted to the caffine, at all. I am more infatuated with that amazing feeling the taste can give you. I really have no idea how to describe it, but really. I cannot get enough.

Here's where it gets complicated.
I am a college student, therefore I am poor. One of those if/then statements that we all love so much... not. Here's where it gets more complicated. It takes around $4.00 for me to satisfy my craving. For now, I have it good since Starbucks has decided to offer their heavenly frozen drink at half price, but this will not last much longer. I just don't know what to do. Of course I don't need it to survive, but come on! It's amazing, and I want it.

So that's a little update on my life. I haven't written in what, like, 3ish months and this is the update you get... yeah pretty much. Nothing new ever happens to me besides addiction *sarcasm*. So, there you go. You can donate to the "Ashley Needs Her Fix Fund" by mailing me a personal check or by personally delivering to me a White Chocolate Cherry Frappuccino. Either/both would be greatly appreciated.

Peace.

Labeling and Society

Recently I have come to and earth-shattering conclusion. Everyone is trying to fit a label whether it is a clothing label, sports, lifestyle, or even the label of being unlabelable. Those who say that they aren't not trying to fit a label fit that of a non-conformist. We might mot always notice the fact that we are trying to live up to this stereotype, but we are. Like those kids that wake up five minutes before class on purpose and rush to learn about whatever are trying to fit in as a typical college kid. It's a sad truth, really. The fact that we as humans feel this intense need to measure up to the expectations of society. And if we do not measure up to them then we are classified as freaks, weirdos, losers, and any other title placed on those who don't fit in. Society is made up of a bunch of outcasts who cluster into groups of others just like them so they don't feel left out. Everyone is a loser. I am a loser, you're a loser, everybody is. It's just a matter of finding the other losers that are like ourselves to make it seem like we are not bound by this unwritten law.

Have you ever averted someones smile when you come together in the hallway? (Say yes.) Why is that? Why do we feel like we can't connect with anyone? What is it about face to face communication and portrayal of emotion that makes us feel so uneasy? Why is it easier to tell someone the way you really feel on facebook or myspace or even texting, but when you try to say it out loud it feels so intimidating? Like you'll literally drop dead if you speak your mind? What has society taught us through the media that gives us these feelings of discomfort and hesitation when dealing with people? I have no answers. I too am under this spell, but I'm trying to break free. When I pass someone in the hall I smile. If they don't smile back, hey, it's their loss. They didn't see my beautiful smiling face. If I need to talk to someone about an immediate matter I call them. If you know me, you know I hate talking on the phone for multiple reasons. It's just so inconvenient. But, since I am trying to get rid of this unattachable emotion that society has placed on me, I am making an actual effort to hear someone's voice instead of read their words for a change. When someone cuts me off, I don't throw my hands up in exasperation, but I smile and show them that out of the rest of my day, you cutting me off doesn't compare to the rest of the crap I go through.

So that was what was going through my head throughout today. I have no idea how I somehow made labeling and detattchment fit together, but who cares(: It works, right? If I got you thinking then my job here is done. Peace.