I haven't written in a few months mainly because I haven't really had much to say besides complaining about random stuff. It's hard to be positive, you know? All this terrible stuff happens around us and it is extremely difficult to remain positive. With all the things going wrong in our world it is mighty hard to see where God is going with all this.
About a week ago we had a Night Of Worship at my church. It was spectacular. There was a point in the service where we were instructed to go to one of the flags hanging from the ceiling and pray for that country. I chose Guatemala because, as you know, I have a strong burden for Latin America. It just broke my heart as I thought of all those children with no homes, those people with no homes, those broken marriages, those abusive marriages, and all the disease and hunger that goes with it all. It made me think of the line "break my heart for what breaks Yours," from the song Hosanna by Hillsong. And it struck me, for what I think was the first time, that God chose for these people to live like this. He formed them for this purpose. I think I knew this all along, but never fully realized what this meant. Either that or I refused to admit that my God would do such a thing.
But God chose for those children to live alone and suffer through life. He chose for those people to die of disease and malnutrition. He chose for those countries to go through brutal and horrible wars. It breaks my heart and makes me sick.
Time after time I'm confronted with the question of,
"If your God is so powerful, why can't He fix the world?"
or,
"If your God is so loving, why did He make all this crap?"
And my answer is always the same. God has a plan and though it's hard to see it, it's there and He will win in the end. And on that Night of Worship last Saturday, I found myself wrestling with this question.
Why on earth would a loving God treat His creation this way?
I want to help these people so badly, why doesn't God?
And that breaks my heart just as much as the circumstances of the world do. I'm still not satisfied with the answer that God is in control. I still don't have a solid rebuttal for when I'm asked those questions. I still haven't ironed out the kinks in that part of my theology,
but I know this:
My God loves me.
My God loves you.
My God loves everyone individually and communally at the same time.
He loves me most.
He loves you most.
God is capable of such love.
And the best part? This love will never change. It will never fail. It will never leave you and nothing you do can separate you from it. This is why I believe that God has a plan for all the nastiness in our world. He loves it so much that He has created such an intricate plan so that there's no way we can see the outcome. This way, there's no way we could even attempt to change it. God wins in the end, no doubt about that. But the journey to get there is rocky and dangerous. It's through that time where we need to look to God most and follow Him. It's during the tough times that we need to take a look at the world and look for His sovereignty. The situation that we are in breaks my heart. I don't have all the answers. I don't claim to have all the answers. But God loves us. He will change this world in ways you can't even imagine.
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